tHe EnEmY IS YoU, mONSter!!


since i have nothing to do. so yeah, this is my second post with interval for only a few hours. weird me is typing aggressively here after years.

i am so lucky to have my ABAH and EMAK as my parents. they are perfectly matched and complete each other. hahaha. my Emak always support me. i just realized it recently. can you see how dumb am i?! she never say no to our wish. she allow us to wish and act as we like as long as we don't cross the boundaries. she always fight for us. my father also is the same. but of course there will be tons of question and being query on our wish or plan is a must thing to do for him. hahahahhahaha. i know its for our safety and good. All his advice and reminder are always right and precise. serve me right for ignoring them. dush!!

its ironic when im the one who always fail to control myself. im not a decent daughter yet for them. i know it and i regret it so much every time i realized it. maybe sometimes it just happen at the wrong time and at wrong situation. i always realized it 1 to 2 minutes late and ungrateful me already burst or overreacting most of the time. then, things turn awkward and i dont know how to 're-do' my shit. i hate myself for being that way. i'm afraid of myself, what if it get worst??.  my emotion is my enemy for now.  * it feels like there is a monster inside me that i cant control. it hurts my beloved a lot. what makes it worst usually is my 'unhelpful' facial expression that do the works more. not to mention my words. my tones. Arghh! i'm a sinner

however, they never react as they should. they act like there s nothing wrong. thats what hurt me more. ive sinned so much. i really hope i could be a good daughter to them. i hope i could do much more for them in the future. at this instant. from now on. i must!! i could not forgive myself anymore on this.. Love you mak abah ;')


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